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6/18/06 (Father’s Day and our 27th wedding anniversary)

Today was the second day after discharge from the hospital.

By now, a few processes have become routine; feed cans of nutrient through J-tube at night, flush the J-tube in the morning with water and close the cap for the day, set the alarm clock to wake up and take medication (pain killer), take a walk during the morning…etc.

My meltdown always happens during the evening.

Since day one of our marriage, and day one of motherhood, preparing food has been my responsibility. I also liked to cook for people, particularly for our sons' friends. For a few summers, consequently, we always had at least one additional person at our dinner table. During the summer vacation, our sons always brought their friends to dinner.

Today, our sons decided that their girlfriends would come for dinner. Also, three friends of my eldest who went with him to Europe together came over. As has been the case, they went downstairs and started watching a movie, laughing and chatting. As for my husband, he is engrossed with gardening.

Boys’ laugher did not stop even at 5:00.

“How long are they going to stay here? Who is going to cook? Me? Do they realize that dinner requires preparation? Are they expecting me to do all the work? Does my son really understand what happened to me during the surgery?”

My meltdown and self-pity always creep in during the evening. My family members cannot see that you should start preparing food way ahead of dinner time. They start cooking only when they feel hunger, and cook only for one person. There is nothing strange about it. It has been a mother’s responsibility to put food on a table for everybody to eat.

I first complained to my husband, and then to my sons, crying and sobbing.
They all said that I should explain my feeling and needs, then tell them what to do, because they cannot read my mind. Well, I knew that!! But don’t you want somebody to understand it?

Anyway, my son’s friends left, and all my family helped cooking dinner and setting table, even though it was Mark who did most of the cleaning, unfortunately. Objectively speaking, the shared cooking was speedy and fun.

We cannot deal with “changes” too well for the first while. Probably in a few days, this shared cooking will become a routine, and will provide wonderful “cooking lessons” for my family members.

I will repeat this kind of "meltdown” many times over various issues for the next few months.

For comments, lincicome@charter.net