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8/18

I cried like a baby over the CD by Rachel Naomi Remen, realizing how narrowminded, scared, suspicious (of my recovery and medicine in general,) self-pitying, and resentful I have become.

When I started the treatment, I was embracing life and trusting the life force. The walk everyday made me aware that we are surrounded by wonders; birds, flowers, caring neighbors, etc. I was thankful that I am living in such a beautiful place.

It gradually changed for the past four weeks, with low blood count, vomiting of blood, high fever, and an ER visit. I became obsessed with my temperature and the specific kind of discomfort I had. One of the reasons can be that the state I am in has prevented me from taking a walk, and has forced me to be in bed most of the time.

What is worse, I started watching stupid sit-com reruns and court TV in the delirious state just to fall asleep. As you know, court TV is the program featurong unfortunate people who are blind to their own blessings, and who are bickering over very small amounts of money. I was totally lost.

When I started listening to Rachel’s CD yesterday, I suddenly remembered the dream (that I wrote on 8/17.) Without her CD, I could have forgotten about it. When I finished listening to her today, I was again aware how mysterious life can be.

How could Janet, my oldest friend in the US, who was living next to my room in the dorm, send this CD at such a wonderful timing?

Some may say it is simply a coincidence. I would rather, however, view this as one of the wonderful mysteries of life, and want to be grateful for the timing and message, as I am for the comments and E mail responses to this Blog.

We are living the stories of our life; we are our own story tellers.

Information on Rachel Remen: http://soundstruestore.stores.yahoo.net/remenr.html