■

7/28/06

This week has been very hard, and it has been very difficult to keep my spirits up.

Is it because I am getting chemotherapy with the help of white cell boosters and red cell boosters? Is it because of the low-grade fever due to the treatment given in spite of the low blood count? Or is it because I am not taking a walk in order to sit tight? Or, is this simply a cumulative effect? Maybe, simply because of the fact that I am right in the period when I should see the end, but I am unable to see it? High expectations do a lot of harm sometimes.

I thought that I knew how to deal with the chemo regiment, but it is not working this week. I had to remind myself again that our bodies do not react in a liner fashion; it surprises us in good ways and bad ways.

For example, totally against predictions, I am not suffering from esophagitis at all any more: doctors thought that I would not be able to even drink water. Totally against my expectations I am faring miserably with chemotherapy this week.

Nausea and dry heaves, different from the past weeks, afflict me and I do not feel like eating anything. When I went to the doctor to get a Newpogen (white blood cell booster) shot today, I was given anti-nausea and saline solution through my portacath. I looked that terrible.

I hope that these will help a little.

I accepted a small translation work from an artist studio to force myself to think about anything other than my discomfort.

7/29/06

It seems that the anti-nausea medicine and saline solution are working. I woke up feeling relatively hungry this morning. Even the heat wave seems to be pretty mild this morning.

Can you believe that my oncologist came over to my house to give me a Newpogen shot at 8:30 this morning?

When I was told that I had to give myself a shot, I designated my husband to be the injector. He, however, had to go to Maine to take care of the house. So, here he is!

I must be a very lucky patient.