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5/24/06

I had a consultation today with a surgeon, who was highly recommended by our doctor friend, over the CAT scan films that were taken on Monday. There were nodules in the right lung, dense areas in the liver, and many fibroids in the uterus! We will only know whether these are related to the current cancer by PET scan on Friday.

Even though he was a very experienced surgeon, I had some reservations. First, he does not have any experience with squamous cell cancer, because adenocarcinoma is much more common in the US. Also, I was not comfortable when he explained “American” way of removing an esophagus from the neck. Operation requires 6 hours, 12 days of hospital stay, and 8 weeks of recovery. That sounded very invasive. I felt the need to have at least another opinion.

My friend from University of Pittsburgh graduate school days, who is teaching in New York now, sent me a poem that I had sent to her in 1996, when she was feeling lost. I have completely forgotten about it, but I now remember, and am very happy that she sent it back to me.

Lost

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you are not lost.
Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you,
if you leave it you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
you are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

By Native American elder