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(写真はこの寒空に我が家の柊を食べにくるコマドリたち。我が家の猫たちは一日中眺めています。）
In a way my biggest problem is my round face and olive colored skin. Everyone who saw me recently exclaimed, “Oh, you look so healthy. Did you gain weight?” I look much better than I really am.

On Monday I went to the BWH for the post operation check up from the 12/28 dilation surgery (I originally went to see the doctor on the 8th, but could not see him because I had to leave early.) I found out that my weight is down to 101 pounds including jeans and sweater! It was news to me too, because I decided not to worry about weight, and stopped weighing myself a while ago. I am down at least 12 pounds from last May. I wonder if resuming work has contributed to the weight loss.

In spite of the weight problem, however, I am adjusting to the new schedule more or less. This week I worked on Tuesday and Wednesday, but did not get as tired as last week. In addition I managed to do a little bit of watercolor painting today at home.

The Wednesday job was a little tough, because I had to continue standing by the podium along with the speaker for two hours; the microphone was fixed to the podium. I got very tired from the posture, particularly because I drove to the Boston site and back by myself. But, I could not complain if I thought back to a month ago, when I had just started driving again.

There were many young women among the Tuesday and Wednesday group. I was mesmerized by their beautiful skin tone and the discipline to wear suits and high-heals even when they were traveling.

Their skin was smooth like freshly skinned juicy raichi. Their color was fair, and the tone was translucent. I heard that white skin has been pursued in Japan very passionately the past few years, and that the women are using not only sunscreens and a parasol to block the sun and ultraviolet light, but also buying very expensive whitening products. Those products must be working!

While half hypnotized by their beautiful skin and narrow high-heels, I imagined how I appeared to them. I am dark skinned, and do not wear any make-up whatsoever, and my shortly trimmed hair is peppered with gray. I must have looked very old and unkempt, while the clothes and facial expression were betraying it.

On the first day when I came to the US in 1978, I met a plump Japanese American woman in a Seattle Airport bathroom. She was wearing a bright pink polyester dress, whose neckline was so low that it was revealing her tanned curves. She was not wearing any foundation, but was wearing a bright lipstick and blue eye shadow. Her skin tone told me that she was at least in her forties, but her eyes were shiny with an excitement that seem to belong to a much younger age. She was strangely ageless.

It was very confusing to me, because I came from a culture in which everyone was supposed to behave and dress a certain way according to his/her age and gender (at least in those days.) She definitely belonged to my race, but was very different from any woman I knew in Japan. Her clothes and the expression on her face betrayed the modesty of the Japanese women of her age. I somehow felt sorry that she did not know how to dress and how to put on make-up age-appropriately, and swore secretly that I would never become a woman like that.

Well, things happen and people change. I simply do not want to dye my hair, which can be carcinogenic, or put on unnecessary make-up anymore. I decided to accept my peppery hair and the face with no-make-up for health reasons, and started to look for bright color looks so that I do not look simply “old and worn out.”

Recently I have been attracted by the look of a middle-aged black female model who does commercials for TJ Maxx on TV. She is skinny and her short hair is mixed with grey, but she has a confident smile with bright eyes; she is ageless and beautiful in her colorful outfit, and anything but modest.

Japan has changed a lot since 1978, and people express their individuality much more. But looking from the outside I can see an underlying conformity in the culture.

I can imagine that at least one of the women in the group muttering to herself, “ Yea, that interpreter was wired. Her grey hair and the dress did not match at all. She should color her hair and put on foundation. It’s sad to see a person who does not know her age and how she looks.”

PS:

I got up early this morning to have a pre-op check up at BWH at 7:00 am, because I will have another dilation on Tuesday. It was only 2 degrees Fahrenheit, and the wind chill was something like ー15!

pps:
Our cats tirelessly keep watching the robins that come to the holy tree in our front yard.