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（日本語は後に続きます）

One of the biggest concerns I had when I had the esophagectomy at BWH was the Fox TV Program “Vanished,” which originally aired on Monday from 8:00 to 9:00 in September. Even on September 25th, the day before the surgery, I watched the program at home while feeling the effect of the “Golytley” (laxative), and wondered if I should ask Mark to record the program, which we had never done before and did not know even how. I had a surgery on 26th, and was in intensive care for three nights, then I was moved to the intermediate care for two nights. When the next Monday came around, I was moved to the general hospital room with my own TV set. Even though I was sharing the room with another patient, we each had a TV set. I was delighted.

The first thing I did was to check which channel was the Fox network. I had a strange obsession with this program and felt it was my mission to watch it faithfully.

On that evening my older son and his girlfriend came to visit me at about 8:00 pm. Also, on that day my epidural anesthesia was removed and I started the narcotic pain medicine in the afternoon.

At about 8:45, I told my son and girlfriend bluntly that they should leave soon, because I was tired and also I had to watch “Vanished” (!!) They left just before 9:00, and I started watching the program like a hawk.

It was an extremely bloody and strange episode, the kind I would never watch in my normal state of mind (besides, in my mind, the Fox Channel was never legitimate). But watching the episode that night gave me a weird satisfaction. At the same time, however, I was in a half “high” state with the narcotic painkiller. Even though I watched the episode and remember every scene, I understood only half of the complicated story.

Obviously “Vanished “ was not the most successful drama that was launched this September in the Fox syndicate. The drama was not aired for the next three weeks because of the World Series. Then, after the Cardinals’ victory, the program was moved to Friday, in the 8:00 to 9:00 p.m. time slot, which probably was the death sentence to the program producer. Who can diligently watch a Friday program?

I am seldom home to watch it on Friday night, even with my reduced social life. One week I went to a dinner at Harvard, another week I went to a Christmas concert…

So far, I have watched only one episode of “Vanished” since being discharged from the hospital. The strange thing is I am OK with it.

What was that obsession with “Vanished” before and during my hospitalization? The satisfaction I felt when I watched the program from the hospital bed was something like an “I made it” feeling. The drama, or my effort to continue watching the drama without missing an episode, in spite of the surgery and my sorry state with tubes connected like tangled spaghetti to my body, must have symbolized the continuation of life and a small victory.

In fact, I never have been an avid TV watcher; I never sat down to watch even “Friends.” The only dramas I regularly watched were “ Hill Street Blues” and “Cheers.” Since we do not have a TV on the first floor of our house, my family members are in the habit of reading news on the web, reading a newspaper, or listening to the radio (NPR.)

My befriending the TV was truly an abnormal phenomenon of the past few months. Now the more normal and active I feel, the less time I spend watching TV.

These days I do not even think about “Vanished.” I do not know whether the drama is still on the air or was dropped by the network because of poor ratings.