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12/04/06　（日本語は後に続きます）

I went to the BWH today for the first check-up with the surgeon after the surgery; everything is normal! I will go back to the hospital on Wednesday and Thursday this week for an endoscopy examination and the removal of the portacath from my left shoulder that was used for chemotherapy treatment (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Port-a-Cath) The endoscopy examination is to see whether I have a wide enough opening where the newly constructed esophagus is connected, because I have been choking on food and experiencing gagging quite often recently. I might only be too self-conscious about the sensation, or getting careless about chewing, but the frequency has increased.

I have been feeling at least 20% better after last week’s J-tube removal, and even worked as an interpreter for a US-Japan joint venture on Wednesday for 7 hours. Once the portacath is removed, I will not have any foreign objects in my body and I will be able to start driving a car!! That will be the true gearshift in my recovery.

The meeting with the nutritionist in the afternoon was very productive and encouraging too. I have often been experiencing “dumping syndrome” after sipping store-bought smoothie in the morning. It is a very tiring feeling, which forces me to rest for a few hours. I naively thought that the smoothie is a convenient drink food that contains high calorie (250 calories) as well as protein. According to her, my body is reacting badly to the high sugar content in the drink because I never used to eat a lot of sweet food in the past (Hagen Daze Ice cream, on the other hand, is rich but not too sugary, so I am fine with it!) It is nice to learn why I was feeling so sick. I should start making my own smoothies with plain yogurt and fruits from now on.

Even though I thought my weight was an issue, it was not too bad according to her. I am still within the range of “normal” thin weight, and my weight was down only 2.5 pounds compared to immediately after the surgery.

“Do you want to gain weight, or are you OK with it?” was her question, and was an interesting one that tickled my vanity. I was expecting that everybody demand that I should gain more weight. In fact I am not too unhappy about my new weight, because I have been there, and also because my face stays in an oval shape at this weight. The hair-dying solution being carcinogenic, I decided not to use it anymore, and to keep my hair extremely short. With an oval shaped face, even the very short peppery hair looks pretty stylish, but with a round face it makes me look like a “happy Buddhist nun or apprentice” - (Please forget PC for now.)

We agreed that I should gain a few more pounds for the sick-time reserve, but do not need to get fat. She also told me that I am at the point to start going back to a more healthy diet from the current, very rich Hedonistic diet; i.e., from the butter to Canola oil. For long-term cancer prevention, it is better for me to be more of the vegetarian.

I appreciate that BWH provides consultation with the nutritionist as a part of the check-up routine. To eat right is a very important issue with post-cancer patients.

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For the first time in many months I am feeling lazy and guilty. During the summer, when I was receiving chemotherapy and radiation, many people gave me books to read. Up till this week, however, I was never in the mood to “waste” time by reading something irrelevant, or did not have energy to read books.

Over the weekend, however, I felt like picking up a collection of Japanese short stories. Then next moment I found myself curling up in the bed, absorbed in the book. I finished the book in one night, even though there were so many things to do in the house. The very familiar feelings of procrastination, laziness, and consequent guilt have come back. I really must be getting better.